Tuesday 31 October 2017

Disadvantages of being FAT

Recently I gained a lot of weight; and I can certainly say that I never been so overweight in my entire life. I keep on saying this thing since I reach new highs after every attempt to meet my goal weight; maybe I should learn something from that.
For me being overweight is not only about the fat on my body or my wardrobe not fitting anymore; it’s about so many daily struggles.
I’ve been experiencing some body issues; and my apologies if this post is a bit too detailed – but I share my experiences, good and bad. Recently I developed – where the fat is concentrated on my body, like belly area and under my breasts, some sort of skin reaction; I never had something like that before. It’s not itchy or anything, just uncomfortable. I try to wash the areas often and using talc or Aloe Vera gel to help with the skin reaction, but I’m not having success – I know a Dry Fast would resolve this problem in no time!
Another issue that my fat is causing to my body is my heavy breathing problem; I literally have hard time to talk normally sometimes, I hate it! But realistically, I don’t know what to do.
Some time I also wonder: how can I live as a fat woman? I really don’t fit in this body! I feel awful doing simple things, walking, sitting, talking. My legs are all swollen at the end of each day; I have hard time doing daily things in the bathroom, due to my new size. I have skin breakouts every other day; itchy feelings here and there; always feeling hot and easy sweating – like I’m reaching menopause! My hair get oily and dirty in 2 days (while fasting I can go as long as 5 days without washing it).
Nothing fits me anymore, I bought larger size clothes but I still feel uncomfortable in it; I can’t move around in the same way; I can’t even cross my legs while I’m sitting! I feel I’m losing more hair now than when I fast. My hair are ok when I’m fasting, never had any issue.
I look much older than my age with this extra fat on me; and no matter how difficult can be to accept or not, I get treated very differently from everyone when I’m so fat. I repeated this thing many times in my blog: people treat me nicer when I’m skinnier; people notice me when I’m not fat; they talk to me, they smile at me…now is like I don’t exist and I tend to hide as consequence.

I failed again!


I might sound like a broken clock by now but, here I am again, telling about another failure of post-fast maintenance.
In defense of what happened though I can say that, every fast experience, teaches me something about my body and how things work for me and my weight management.
What I realized is that after a prolonged fast my body goes into a famine-mode for about 3 weeks, after that food does not have the same appeal as the first three weeks. I guess it’s just a normal reaction after so many days abstaining from food. Makes sense though.
In 30 days of combined Dry and Water Fast I did not lose much, in terms of weight, but I was definitely feeling better than when I started. Chances were that when October started my mind just got hit with the fact that my parents were leaving the country to go back to Italy, leaving me here alone again. I didn’t handle the reality very well, I must admit; so I recall spending 3 days in bed crying and eating junk food. They say food is comfort but I wasn’t feeling better though….quite the opposite; my shrunk stomach was hurting me so much when I was eating those huge meals, and the excessive amount of sugar. In any case I kept on eating, and crying, and eating, till my stomach was not shrunk anymore and started to dilating… disproportionately!
To add more reasons to me giving up on controlling the amount of food eating, was an awful experience I went through during a long-weekend trip with a….ex-friend. Well we went out of town and let’s just say I came back home taking a coach-bus, what a jerk – you never know people till you travel together; that’s why I love solo-vacation! Anyhow, the whole situation really impacted my feelings, I felt hurt by his rude manners and words, and although he was clearly a moron, I could not deny myself of more food-comfort to relief some of the stress caused by this negative experience. And my weight and inches skyrocketed!
These past couple of months were not great for me, lots of stress combined with my ex breaking up with me, my parents moving out, their trip, long weekend nightmares, boring working days, lack of money, loneliness; well this combined to my famine-state after Fast made me gain back and more whatever I lost during the 30 days of my combined Dry/Water Fast.
What can I do? I tried to do a self-analysis of what happened, but does it really matter? Will I learn from my mistakes and don’t do it again? Most probably not….so I gave up on this too.
I do have the intention on starting soon a new Combined Dry / Water Fast, I’m aiming for tomorrow, which is November 1st, 2017 – I got some chocolates today since is Halloween.
I have to say that lately I’m not craving food much as my usual, I think the past 30-Day Water Fast was great in terms of healing. The first 3 weeks after breaking a Fast are very critical, the body really craves for food like crazy, so imposing an extremely rigid maintenance protocol is crucial in those days, after 3 weeks or so, things get better….well at least this is what I experienced.
One thing I’m looking forward from the Fast is, not only my general well-being and the weight loss, but the reduced amount of sleep hours needed. I know that it was a concern for me initially, but now I’m enjoying watching TV in bed and working on my loom, so I usually fall asleep at midnight and in the morning I have hard time to wake up; I know it does sound as a contradiction but it is not!
Keeping a journal while fasting is very important, either on an online blog, YouTube videos, on paper, whatever works for you is ok, but those words will help you in the future; share your motivations, your feelings, how you reached your goal, how you felt when the Ketosis was fading away all the food cravings, leaving only the so desired mental clarity; all those words would help you in the future if you ever need it again. They did for me.